- [Conservative Dad] Yep, That's me, conservative dad.
You're probably wondering how I got here.
It's been a wild ride, but I'm just getting started.
This is an unlikely story of a fed-up American
who had enough of the woke beer companies
and decided to do something about it.
I'm on a mission, and I won't stop until all Americans
have a 100% woke-free American beer company
they can be proud of again.
We'll face obstacles along the way,
but nothing will stop us, not even a woke beer smokey.
- This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice.
I'm in high-speed pursuit of a conservative dad
with a load of Ultra Right Beer!
♪ We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there ♪
♪ I'm east bound, just watch ol' Bandit run ♪
(tires squeal) (motor roaring)
- Hey, conservative dad here. Jump in.
We're gonna go for a little drive.
I got a woke beer smokey on my tail.
(lively country music)
- Let me have a sandwich and a bag of chips,
and make it fast.
I'm in a hurry.
- Why are you in such a hurry there, Sheriff?
- I'm in high-speed pursuit of a conservative dad.
- Well, this conservative dad, he a bank robber?
- Bank robber?
Bank robbing is nothing
compared to what this dude's been doing.
He almost destroyed
one of America's biggest woke beer companies
selling Ultra Right Beer!
He made a complete mockery of the woke corporation.
- Well, I hope you catch up to him
and get your man, Sheriff. - Much obliged.
- Woke corporations have spent years
quietly funding woke garbage
that's now spilling over into our schools,
but we're not gonna beg 'em to stop anymore.
Instead, Conservative Dad's Ultra Right Beer
is going to fund our own programs.
That's why we're donating a portion of sales
to the 1776 Project to overthrow
the blue-haired woke school board members
and replace 'em with normal people like us.
The woke beer corporations...
Earmuffs.
(beep) with the wrong people.
Never underestimate conservative dads on a mission.
(lively country music)
They said it couldn't be done.
But thanks to you, there's a new beer in town.
(can tab pops)
Conservative Dad's Ultra Right Beer
is now shipping all across America.
And if you haven't already, grab yourself a six-pack.
(lively country music)
We're not like other beer companies.
Oh, that's better. (rimshot resounds)